dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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