Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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