I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
birth control should be required to get into college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
