im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
