Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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