New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
