Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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