I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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