I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
