i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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