I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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