So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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