It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
