why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
