mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
