Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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