Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
