Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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