alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
