i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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