mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
