Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
