The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
