omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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