We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
