She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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