i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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