i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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