Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
