Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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