I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
