I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
