Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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