Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
