Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
