That's intense
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
