I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
