1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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