Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
