she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
