Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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