I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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