yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i've created a new STD.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
