Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize