I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
