watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am spending my child support on dildos
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
