What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm like, not good at living.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
