I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
