NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
