I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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