Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
