Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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