when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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