i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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