I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
