hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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