Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
